James Landrith is...Taking The Gloves Off: syndicated

left-libertarian blogger, publisher, Marine and civil liberties activist

 

While I have my own syndicated blog, I like to write for other blogs on occasion as well. My latest piece of work is at the Good Men Project:

I’ve Got the T-Shirt and the Trauma Response to Go With It

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/ive-got-the-t-shirt-and-the-trauma-response-to-go-with-it/

Excerpt:

As a vocal male survivor, when I’m not talking about sexual violence in writing or before audiences, I’m reading about it in many contexts and sources. A great deal of what I see on a daily basis is directed at men with the assumption that we know nothing about sexual violence or have no experiences that parallel those of female survivors.

Those making such arguments are often NOT sexual violence survivors themselves. Encountering such memes can be quite painful when you are a rape survivor yourself. The problem is not that female survivors receive the majority of the attention when sexual violence is discussed. The problem is that when sexual violence is discussed with regard to male survivors, there is often resistance, condescension, and outright mockery by people who quite often have not experienced such violence themselves. For those who have lived through abuse at the hands of women, that can be doubly wounding.

I’ve lived through sexual violence. I have my own story and my own experiences. I have my own triggers and my own issues. I don’t need to be educated. I don’t need to be taught what to do or not do. I don’t need any proven statistical bias to legitimize my life or my experiences. I lived it.

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For my human resources colleagues:

The Virginia DMV has issued new medical certification requirements for CDL holders.  As the hard copy FAQ and letter sent to one of my drivers seemed to contradict each other, I called the DMV to confirm the changes.  The short of it is that EFFECTIVE 1/30/2012, but NO LATER THAN 1/30/2014, EXISTING licensed as well as new drivers must provide the DMV with a completed Self Certification form (DL8) and if applicable, either a copy of their medical examiner's certificate (DOT Medical Card) or their state approved medical variance/waiver letter.  If their medical examiner's certificate indicates that they have been granted a federal waiver exemption and/or skill performance evaluation certificate (SPE) they will also be required to submit a copy of it.  These documents can be faxed, mailed or electronically submitted.

If you have drivers on your payroll, I highly recommend that you take some time to familiarize yourself with these new regulations.

The relevant links are below:

• http://www.dmvnow.com/webdoc/citizen/drivers/cdl_medical.asp
• http://www.dmvnow.com/webdoc/citizen/drivers/cdl_medical_faqs.asp
• http://www.dmvnow.com/webdoc/pdf/dl8.pdf

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 Emily L. Hauser, writing on the "Men Can Stop Rape" campaign:

I think they are part of an important larger trend, one that can be seen in a broad array of efforts to get men involved in fighting the scourge of sexual violence, and can be heard in the voices of individual men who are standing up and speaking out. And I think that good, powerful images are one of the most powerful weapons we have in any advocacy campaign. I wish these posters were being put up all over the country.

Women can fight rape — but only men can actually stop rape. Efforts like this give me hope.

Unlike many similar efforts, this is an important and maturely executed campaign that treats men like adults and projects a positive and non-accusatory message. I’ve seen these posters for a while now and liked the message. That said, I do have a quibble with the concept that "only men can actually stop rape". Contrary to to the author's claim, women can also stop rape as some of them ARE rapists too.  Violence (sexual or otherwise) isn't a men's only club.

Not only do some women molest, rape and sexually abuse male and female children and adults, they are often complicit in male predation as well.  Get a group of female survivors of male predators together and you will find a large number of women who were completely failed by mothers, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors and teachers who knew what was happening or worse - helped facilitate and cover up the abuse.  In addition, women also set up other women for rape as revenge, jealousy, or out of hatred.

This problem is so much larger than just pointing at men and saying "stop it."

For those who don't know and because it helps color my own view of the situation, I was raped by a woman who drugged me. I’m sorry, but she also needs to be include in the masses who can stop rape.  I'd suggest that any person who used a fetus as a human shield to keep a person compliant for the purposes of committing rape (after the drugs that she had previously administered via an alcoholic beverage wore off) was definitely someone who can and should contribute to ending rape.  She, and abusive women like her, are certainly part of the problem.  Her possession of female genitalia doesn't change a damned thing about her actions or accountability.

Since getting involved in sexual violence advocacy work as a speaker and trainer (and survivor), I’ve heard from many male and female survivors of female predators. Women who commit sexual violence fly gracefully under the radar partially based on gender norms that view women as incapable of being monsters and men as less masculine if they admit they can be vulnerable. While empowering campaigns like this one do us no harm, claims that "only men can actually stop rape" serve to further erase and minimize our own personal experiences which don’t fit neatly into the predominant narrative on sexual violence.

Yes, I understand the stats and I can also pick many of the methodologies apart without trying – including the recent CDC study which claims that a woman forcing a male (adult or child) to penetrate her is not rape. How exactly can anyone justify using alternative language to downgrade such an action based solely on the genders of the perpetrator and victim?

I do understand Emily's point, but my own experience differs with that perspective. As much as I’d love to pretend that female rapists don’t exist or matter, I have to deal with the consequences of my own rapist's actions every day – and the general mockery and denial of men and women alike who dismiss, minimize and willfully confuse the issue with regard to female predation.

While I do support the campaign's message and the tactful and mature manner in which it has presented the images, I hope people can understand how the view is different from this angle.

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Betsy Shaw, writing for Momformation on Teaching boys how to stop rape:

The New York Daily News reports that programs aimed at reducing violence against women are being implemented in at least three New York City area schools.

But New York isn’t the only state to do get in on this.

Men Can Stop Rape, a Washington-based nonprofit organization devoted to preventing male violence, has created a youth outreach program in inner-city schools called The Men of Strength Club (MOST).

This after-school program, designed to educate middle school boys about violence against women, is being taught in over one hundred school in ten states. The program strives to teach boys that girls are their allies not their enemies.

Contrary to some of the comments, the problem isn’t teaching boys not to rape or hold doors open for girls. Being polite and considerate is a problem that both boys AND girls have trouble grasping these days.  Further, little boys don't owe little girls special consideration simply because they are little girls. Respect and civility are not the sole domain of boys to master. Also, the Mean Girls meme is not fictitious, nor is it harmless bullying (as if those two words could ever go together).  Often, it can be quite violent and traumatic to the people relentlessly targeted, regardless of gender. Plenty of girls commit violence against boys and quite often use weapons or other boys as proxies to commit said violence – and get away with it on a regular basis. But in reality, that never happens, cuz you know, girls don't do that kind of stuff.  Amirite or amirite!

Also, most mothers really seem to have no concept about the pressure that some women can exert on men with regard to sex.  Coercion, blackmail, threats, mockery, questioning of sexual orientation, drugs and alcohol have been all been used by some women to force men into sex.  Where did these women learn such techniques?  I really doubt it was from their fathers.  Jacob Taylor of Toy Soldiers shares his thoughts and some stats regarding female predation on boys and men at this link.

Let’s be careful not to bash or stereotype little boys while putting little girls on pedestals to be worshipped where we ignore their own rude or violent behavior.

The problem with regard to rape advocacy is teaching enthusiastic consent to both boys AND girls, not treating boys like potential perps bound to commit rape unless educated not to do so. As a father of two boys, I find that idea very offensive. Teaching boys (and girls) about consent and sexual violence is definitely a necessary tool in fighting such violence. However, assuming that all sexual violence is directed at women and only by men is a dangerous concept that has kept many men quiet for decades. Further, it silences female survivors of female perpetrated violence.

As a male rape survivor of a female rapist who used a drugged drink and blackmail, I find the recent "boys/men must end violence against women" meme to be minimizing and incredibly insensitive. It also sets boys up for abuse and ensures their silent suffering by teaching them that only males commit sexual violence and only against females. According to stats presented on the website of the organization 1 in 6 (1in6.org), by the time U.S. boys reach the age of 18, 1 in every six of them will be the victim of sexual violence. 

How about we care about those boys for a few minutes too? Society is completely failing them and most people are quite happy to continue to pretend they don’t exist while holding them accountable for the actions of other males, and simultaneously expecting them to be the protectors of all females.

I don’t think that is asking for too much. Really.

Also, take some time to read the stats at 1in6 before taking the recent CDC study, which re-classifies female on male rape as not rape at face value. Let me be blunt.  If a mother forces her son to penetrate her, that boy has not been raped according to this CDC study.  Yeah, that is fucking crazy boat loads of accurate, innit?  Recent media coverage and summarizations by certain bloggers don't tell the whole story and willfully omit key problems with the manner in which the stats were compiled. Seriously.

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